A Step From Heaven

“In second grade you have to do a lot of talking.  Not as much coloring.  Not as much play time.  Just a lot of talking and listening and reading.  So in Mrs. Sheldon’s class, if you do not have anything to show when it is your turn to share, you can talk about important news” (41)  Reading this made me feel nervous for Young Ju because being uncertain of the English language in a second grade class and having to share something to the class would make me have anxiety if I was in her shoes.  “Her forehead bunches up like crinked paper and her eyes squeeze shut in the corners.  She does not understand the English that sounds perfect in my head and then comes out messy as the can of spaghetti Uhmma lets me eat on Saturdays if I help with the laundry” (41).  This is exactly how I felt when I went to Spain for the semester to learn Spanish.  My thoughts would seem clear in my mind but when I tried to speak it just didn’t come out clear like I wanted.  I couldn’t express my thoughts and feelings even though I knew exactly how I felt on the inside. 

 

“My dream of the cloud is not new.  I have had variations of the same dream since we immigrated to America.  Sometimes I fall from the tree.  Sometimes I wake p before I have even finished climbing to the highest branch.  Most times I am leaning out, reaching.  But in every dream there are always the clouds just beyond my grasp.  They float close above me in thick, solid folds of billowy white sheets.  In my dream I have somehow figured out that to catch a cloud means I’ll fly to heaven.  Fly to the place that I have never seen but only dreamed exists.  Heaven, the place I was supposed to go, but instead I ended up here.” (90).   The dream Young Ju has in her sleep is a representation of the dreams immigrants have moving to another country.  For example, the place we are going to seems like it is going to be the best because we have dreamt of it forever and imagined good things with what it would be like.  However, when we arrive at our destination the reality of the situation sets in and may not be what we expected.  We know we have a lot of climbing to do before we get to ‘our heaven,’ we face challenges, struggles, and are often not greeted with the type of kindness we were hoping.  I experienced this when I moved to Guatemala.  I had a dream and a vision but it took several struggles and a lot of falls before I reached my happiness there.  I believe that Young Ju is going through this type of journey also.

Self-Identity

The Sapir-Whorf hypothesis explains that language systems, discourse, and lexis reflect ways of looking at the world and its various realities.  Our interactions with society influence our understanding of the world and affect the way we view ourselves.  Bonny Norton explores the difference between motivation and investment.  She explains that if learners invest in the target language, they do so with the understanding that they will acquire a wider range of symbolic and material resources, which will in turn increase the value of their cultural capital.  Throughout my travel and study experiences I could feel the change within me moving from simple motivation to learn the language and culture and ‘investment’ in it.  Unlike motivation, which can be seen as a primarily psychological concept, investment should be seen within the social framework.  As Norton explains, investment seeks to make a meaningful connection between a learner’s desire and commitment to learn a language, and their changing identity. 

I began my travel experience outside of the country for the first time in Mexico.  I was motivated to learn Spanish and had the goal of improving my Spanish speaking skills.  When I arrived, I began using my second language (Spanish) to communicate with the local people and began to realize there was a whole other culture to learn in addition to the language skills!  The more I traveled and studied cultural theory, the more I realized how complex it was.  I slowly began to feel myself move from just being motivated to the investment stage because I was allowing my own identity to change while exploring each additional new culture and society I was learning about.  I still have so much to learn and am excited about the learning process.  I enjoy using my language skills and knowledge of second language acquisition to teach international students English.